Sample Edits:  Excerpts of Original/Revised Documents

The following "before" and "after" examples of our work illustrate how we help clients produce documents that are simple, clear, and persuasive.

• Dissertation/Civil Engineering/Soil Mechanics                                   

• Grant Proposal/Biomedical Research/Mathematical Models of Aneurysm Growth   
  

• Journal Article/Economics/Ranking of Valuations in Auctions                

• Dissertation/Physical Therapy/Cranio-sacral Therapy                         

• Patent Application/Coal Mining/Design of Bolt-bearing Plate                                   
  

• Master’s Thesis/Mechanical Engineering/Force Chains in Granual Materials            
  

• Abstract of Conference Paper/Mechanical Engineering/Soil Mechanics                     
  

Dissertation/Civil Engineering/Soil Mechanics

Original Text (Section A):  Clay deposits subjected to desiccation develop intensive cracking that go to important depths below ground surface.  Arizona, Mexico city and Bogota city deep soil cracking.  [Author] et al  (2003) reports afect a flat area of 90000ha, located in a zone characterized by high seismic hazard. hundreds of kilometers of roadways and hundreds of small buildings have been severely damaged or collapsed.  Figure 3 shows some characteristics of these problems. . .

Revised Text (Section A):  Clay deposits subjected to desiccation often develop intense cracking that extends far below the surface.  Arizona, Mexico City, and Bogota are examples of areas particularly affected by such deep cracking.  [Author] et al. (2003) found intensive, deep cracking in the highly plastic Bogota clay deposit, which covers a flat area of 90,000 ha, located in a zone with a high degree of seismic activity.  Hundreds of kilometers of roadways and hundreds of small buildings in this area have been severely damaged or have collapsed as a result of deep cracking caused by desiccation.  Figure 3 shows some characteristics of such problems. . .

Original Text (Section B):  Differential equations have been  widely used by the researchers for the theoretical solution of many problems related to physics. Those problems can be related to the distribution of stresses, hydraulic flow, heat transfer, wave propagation, etc.   The differential equations can be solved relatively easy using common mathematics when they are applied to one dimensional problems (for example the one-dimensional water flow in the permeameter).  However, the solution of differential equations become very difficult when they are applied to solve bi-dimensional problems that have different boundary conditions.

Revised Text (Section B):  In the field of geotechnical engineering, differential equations have been widely used to find theoretical solutions to many problems related to physics, such as those dealing with the distribution of stresses, hydraulic flow, heat transfer, wave propagation, etc.  Differential equations can be solved relatively easily using common mathematics when they are applied to solving one-dimensional problems (e.g., water flow in a permeameter).  However, when they are applied to solving bi-dimensional problems that have  different boundary conditions, the solutions to differential equations become very difficult.  For this reason, . . .

[My editor] provided detailed feedback--not just grammar, but style, flow of topic, transitions, etc.
                                                                   -University professor of physical therapy

Grant Proposal/Biomedical Research/Mathematical Models of Aneurysm Growth              

Original Text:  After constitutive specifications, the stress-modulated growth models read as two time-dependent coupled sets of nonlinear equations that exhibit a specific mathematical form. The unknowns are the growth tensor and the displacement field. The numerical simulation of large-scale problems has to be accompanied by an analysis of the qualitative behavior predicted by the model under simplifying assumptions that make the problem analytically feasible.  Specific issues of interest are the existence and stability of periodic or steady state solution.  The analysis is mandatory to investigate whether a mathematical model is able to predict at least the qualitative dymamics of a biological system before proceeding to large-scale simulations. 

Revised Text:  After constitutive specifications have been established, the stress-modulated growth models read as two coupled, time-dependent sets of nonlinear equations that exhibit a specific mathematical form.  The most important unknowns within these models are the growth tensor and the displacement field.  The numerical simulation of large-scale problems must also be accompanied by an analysis of the qualitative behavior predicted by the model under simplified assumptions that make it feasible to analyze the problem.  Specific issues of interest related to such an analysis are the existence and stability of periodic- or steady-state solutions.  A qualitative analysis is essential when investigating whether a mathematical model can predict the basic qualitative dynamics of a biological system and before proceeding to a large-scale simulation.  

Not only [did my editor correct] grammars mistakes, but she also suggested  alternatives for the structure of paragraphs by changing the order of sentences and [using] different words. During the editing she also taught me some of the rules of grammar, too.
                                                                                     -Yojiro Yoshida, civil engineer

Journal Article/Economics/Ranking of Valuations in Auctions                

Original Text:  We consider single-unit first and second price auctions with two bidders when the ranking of agents valuations is common knowledge under an affiliated private value model.  Several properties of these auctions are analyzed for positive reservation prices both numerically and analytically by extending the Landsberger, Ribinstein, Wolfstetter and Zamir (1999) model.  The numerical adaptive step-size Runge-Kutta method nested in a backward shooting algorithm is used to determine the optimal reserve price and the bid functions for the first price auction at the equilibria.  Our results provide evidence against the conjecture of Maskin and Rildy (1996) that revenue ranking between the first and second price auctions will flip after an optimal reservation price is introduced by the seller.  We also find that the difference in terms of seller’s revenue between both auctions would not be highly significant for a reservation price above a certain threshold.  Finally, we find evidence for a positive reservation price cutting down inefficiency for the first price auction. 

Revised Text:  Using an affiliated private-value model, we consider single-unit first- and second-price auctions with two bidders in cases where the value-ranking is common knowledge under an affiliated private-value model.  Several properties of these auctions are analyzed both numerically and analytically for positive reservation prices by extending the Landsberger, Ribinstein, Wolfstetter and Zamir (1999) model.  To determine the optimal reserve price and the bid functions for the first-price auctions at the equilibria, the numerical adaptive step-size Runge-Kutta method nested in a backward shooting algorithm is used.  Our results challenge Maskin and Riley’s contention that revenue ranking flips between a first- and second-price auction once an optimal reservation price is introduced by the seller.  Results also indicate that the difference in the seller’s revenue between the two auctions has no significant effect on reservation prices above a certain threshold.  Finally, we find evidence that a positive reservation price reduces inefficiency in first-price auctions.

The editor showed strong interest in understanding the topic of the dissertation.  Every detail in the draft was analyzed accurately [and] discussion sessions of the product were very interesting.  It was a very professional job.
                  -L. Vesga, Director of Geoscience Division, Domeight Research Institute



Dissertation/Physical Therapy/Cranio-sacral Therapy                         

Original Text:  Earlier implant studies demonstrated a downward and forward grown displacement of the maxilla that was associated with a vertical rotation.  Generally, the rotation is directed forward and in order to maintain the inclination of the nasal floor with that of the anterior cranial base, compensatory resorption occurs.  The resorption of the nasal floor occurs to a greater extent anteriorly than posteriorly in conjunction with a forward rotation and the opposite occurs in the less commonly seen backward rotation. (Bjork and Skieller, 1972).

Revised Text:  Earlier implant studies had reported a downward and forward growth displacement of the maxilla that was believed to be associated with a vertical rotation.  Generally, the rotation is directed forward, and compensatory rotation occurs in order to maintain the inclination of the nasal floor with that of the anterior cranial base.  The resorption of the nasal floor more often occurs anteriorly with a forward rotation than posteriorly with a backward rotation.  (Bjork and Skieller, 1972).

Patent Application/Coal Mining/Design of Bolt-bearing Plate                

Original Text:  Figure 7.  Shows the bearing plate being used with a roof bolt.  Once the bolt is inserted into the roof, the bolting maching will force the bolt into the predrilled hole.  The bolt with the plate will be pushed to the roof.  Once the plates, outer rim seats against the roof, the plate will start to compress the strata and tighten firmly to the roof.  After a few seconds the bolt will be set and harden in the epoxy resin in the roof and remain tight.

Revised Text:  Figure 7 – Installation of the RBP.  After a hole has been drilled into the roof and filled with epoxy resin, the bolting machine forces the bolt into the hole, pushing the plate against the roof.  After a few seconds, during which the epoxy resin hardens, the bolt is set in the roof and remains tight.  Once the plate’s outer rim sits against the roof, the plate compresses the strata and adheres tightly to the roof. 

[The edit] greatly improved the quality of my thesis. Since I was a foreign student, there were many grammar errors in my thesis but after the editing, the errors were well corrected.
                                                                                   -Japanese graduate student


Master’s Thesis/Mechanical Engineering/Force Chains in Granual Materials                

Original Text:  Force is transmitted through granular matter through force chain.  When force is applied to granular material, force is transmitted through materials by forming a force chain.  The importance of force chain is that when a granular particle is not a part of a force chain, it means that particular particle is not supporting or taking any loading.  Thus, such a particle is free from crushing. . . 

Material that will be tested in this experiment is two different sets of short wooden sticks which have a length of 2.5 cm, which is as same as the depth of the square box.  First set of wooden sticks are all cylindrical an had same size and wooden sticks in the second set are all in different shapes and sizes.  First set of sticks would simulate the formation of force chain in ideal situation and should simulate simular result as sing discrete element method, DEM.  The second set of stick would simulate the actual formation of a force chain in granular material.

Revised Text:  When force is applied to granular material, the force is transmitted through the material by a force chain that forms.  A force chain is important because when a granular particle is not part of such a chain, it does not support any loading and so is not crushed. . . 

The material that was tested in this study were two different sets of short wooden sticks, each of which had a length of 2.5 cm, the same as the depth of the square box.  The first set of wooden sticks were all cylindrical; the second set were different shapes and sizes.  The first set of sticks were used to simulate the formation of a force chain in an ideal situation and produced results similar to when the discrete element method (DEM) is used.  The second set of sticks simulated the actual formation of a force chain in granular material.

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